i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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