I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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