Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
