The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
