i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
