I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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