i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
