it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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