shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
