Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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