In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
