You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
