your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
