She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
