and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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