Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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