Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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