what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
