"it" just moved
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
