I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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