Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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