i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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