I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
