I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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