wakey wakey hands off snakey
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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