I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
