dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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