you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
