you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
