Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
