it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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