i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
