I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
