That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
