Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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