i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
