so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
