For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
