Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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