Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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