I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
