But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
