Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
