I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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