He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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