Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
