i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
