Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
