3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
