Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
