My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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