Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
