They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
