apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
