allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
