Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
