Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
