Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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