i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A+ Viking dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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