Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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