I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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