You're my little dorito
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
