Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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