so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and she was petting her beer can
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
