dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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