so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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