how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
