you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
