And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
