i just google imaged poop.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
