She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
In America we eat man semen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
