Can Purell be used as lube?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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