I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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