there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
